Monday, January 5, 2009

justin bustin ~ big j ~ jd : thoughts...

Justin came in on the 22nd. I have to admit, I was anxious to see him and talk with him. I was happy that he would be in my presence for a time, now that he seemed to be getting his life sorted out.

It was a little over 2 years ago that I visited him in DC and he “dumped” me on day 2 and exactly 3 years ago that he last came to Michigan…also a dramatic story (see ** below).

I had high hopes for this visit – probably, knowing me, too high.

The visit was mostly good. We didn’t find things missing, we weren’t lied to continually, and he hasn’t got a driver’s license any longer so, no need to worry about the cars. We were on vacation the whole time, so he was never at home alone. We didn’t have a curfew since we weren’t working so; we actually outlasted him at staying up late every night. All this was good.

He’s still an easygoing kind of person, easy to laughter, holds a conversation, nice, good looking, friendly face, etc. But I couldn’t help but become more and more perplexed with similarities to his father or the Bruce family. He sometimes has a cutting sense of humor (which isn’t funny and won’t get him far), he no longer holds the same ideals as me and seemed to be continually trying to be my polar opposite. Maybe this is just a rebellion since he probably feels very much abandoned by me. He left behind all the Christmas gifts that I bought for him. He was even reminded and just purposely didn’t pack the items. That is so Danny – no emotional connection to anything – can leave it all behind (maybe that could be a virtue too). He has a veracious appetite for beer and can drink one after another after another. SCARY! So scary that I took him for a private drive around the back roads of Romeo; the “Natural Beauty” roads and spoke to him about it. He agreed that he can really down the beers and it doesn’t seem to affect him. He told me that was a concern of the last Commanding Officer that interviewed him prior to being sworn into the Army. The CO noticed that Justin had a couple of drinking offenses and warned him that the military breeds alcoholics. It was a good conversation and I thought everything had been covered and he had put me at ease…until the next day, when I had to pick him up from a friend’s house in Armada, where another friend left him. He called for a ride and I swear, I was talking to his father! He was slurring his words and behaving so pitifully. I picked him up and couldn’t speak the whole drive home – what could I say that hasn’t already been said?

The other thing that really bothered me, however I’ve been told by several parents of adult children and teens that it shouldn’t bother me – that they ALL do it…the cell phone! Constantly texting and calling people in Virginia (or even Michigan). Why visit Michigan if all you are going to do is continually communicate with the people you just left behind for only a week??? And when I say constant, I mean CONSTANT! You can’t have a conversation with them that isn’t interrupted by a text or a call or a cell phone photo opportunity that instantly needs to be uploaded to Facebook or MySpace. Very distracting and deflating. Why are you here? Aren’t you going to visit with me? Give me your “undivided” attention?

I must say, I fell into a small depression after he left (it started while he was here). It just doesn’t seem like we know each other any more. Like I’ve really lost him. Some people say that they come back to you, but I know from my own experience with myself, I can’t say that I’m really “there” for my parents – not my complete, undivided attention. A lot of the time I’m wishing I was somewhere else…depending on how the mood is at the house when I arrive for a visit.

We are different people. He moved with his father at age 15 ½ with my approval.

I’m just so happy though that he seems to finally be on a path that will lead him somewhere better than he has ever been. I hope my highest hope that he really does well with this Army thing. I am so proud of him so far. I hope that they don’t break him in Basic Training to the point where he doesn’t want to complete.

I can’t wait for him to go to Basic and I can’t wait to see him graduate!!!

**Justin was kicked out of Michigan – yes, Michigan by ME back in July of 2005 after many overlapping issues that I won’t get into here and my mother having and causing anxiety. When Christmas 2005 came around, both Danny and Justin asked me if it would be OK for Justin to come to Michigan. I told them both that I didn’t think that would be a good idea, since I would like to be consistent in my punishment. Justin was not allowed to come back “home” until he met several conditions. One was that he needed to be 21 years of age – because I did not want to be held responsible for an underage drinker. He needed to have a job and his own money to spend on food, gas, entertainment and cigarettes. If he had a job, he needed to have approved vacation time. The list goes on – I’m very conditional when things are going upside-down.

Neither of them listened to me and the next thing I know, Justin is being dropped off at my parents house by his father, Danny. Justin stayed for a couple of days and then went back with his father for a Bruce Family outing – but something “dramatic” happened and the next thing I know, Justin is again dropped off at my parents house. This time Danny is stating that he refuses to take Justin back to DC. Danny is full of “shock and awe”, but I always fall for it. I didn’t want Justin in Michigan to begin with and I certainly didn’t want him staying – so I purchased a bus ticket for him to go back to DC. After dropping Justin off at the Greyhound Bus Station in Detroit, I get a call from him saying that the bus broke down and that it was turning around. They would have to wait for a replacement bus. He wanted me to come back and get him, but I would not. I told him to wait for the replacement bus. Later (not long), Justin called and said that his father called him and was willing to bring him back to DC – but he was not leaving until the next day, so if Justin would want to drive with him, he would need to get back a hold of me, have me pick him up and then Justin would have to spend another night at my parents – because Justin was not allowed to stay at any of Danny’s families homes – due to aforementioned overlapping issues which caused him to be kicked out in the first place. I was bewildered of the audacity of my ex-husband. I guess he doesn’t understand consistency. I told Justin to stay on the bus as it was more reliable.

I don’t know what happened from there – I haven’t asked.

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